Love Is Not Enough… Or Maybe It Is

This post is directed more at adoptive parents, however, it is applicable to any and all parents. When it comes to our children, we want the very best for them. We want to provide the very best for them. We don’t want them to have to experience the things we experienced. It is our hope and dream that they won’t have to experience any hurt or pain or disaster in this life. That they would be surrounded by the love of their family, and it would keep them safe. But alas, our love is not enough.

Love Is Not Enough

Many times (not always, but many) adoptive parents believe that “love is all they need”. They believe they will adopt a child that has experienced loss and trauma in their life (by the way, this is all adopted children), and that their love as parents will erase anything that may have happened in this child’s past. All they need is a loving family, and everything will be fine. In transracial adoptions, often times, parents believe that if they just love their child enough, they will be able to fulfill everything their child needs. That racial lines don’t matter if we have enough love, and we will be able to shield our children from racist comments.

For any parent it is easy to get stuck in the thinking that our love, in a sense, can save our children. That it an keep them from harm, can keep them from being bullied, can keep them from difficulties in life. This kind of thinking can turn us into enablers for our children if we are not careful. But, when we really think about the truth, our love is not enough.

The fact that we love our children immensely is not enough to keep them from harm, or to keep them from being bullied at school, or to keep them from making bad choices. It is not enough to erase the trauma and hurt our child has experienced. Our love is not enough for our transracially adopted child who needs racial mirrors, who needs to see and interact with people just like them. Love is not enough to provide for all that our children need.

… or maybe it is

The fact that we love our children cannot shield them from these things mentioned above, and it is not enough to fix them when they do happen. However, when our love turns into action, that is enough for our children. When our love causes us find racial mirrors for our adopted children to relate to, then we’re doing something right. When it causes us to make new friends that our child can identify with, that’s when this thing called love is working.

If our love causes us to seek out help for our children, that is when it is enough. Maybe our children need some type of therapy to help them thrive in life. FIND IT! Maybe they need to spend a little time with a mama that looks like them. FIND HER! Maybe they need a different environment to help them learn to make better choices. FIND IT! When we fail to recognize that our children need others, that is when our love is not enough.

If we are thinking that our love is all our child needs, we are in fact in danger of hurting them, not helping. When we love our children enough to realize that our love alone is not enough for them, that’s when something happens. Our children need love in all sorts of ways and from all sorts of people. We must understand that our children need other people in their lives to provide for them the things we are not able to provide ourselves. This may be education, racial mirrors, therapy, friendship. Our love helps our children find those people that they need in their life. Our love, is enough.

Love Is Not Enough… or maybe it is

Telling our children how much we love them and showering them with affection, although important, is not enough to meet all their needs and keep them from pain. But, when that love turns into action, it is enough. It is all we have as parents, and it is enough. It is enough to help our children get what they need to live this thing called life to the fullest. We must embrace it, and we must run with it fiercely, for the sake of our children.