You may find yourself asking, how can I support black moms? What can I do to help my children actively stand against racism? I don’t pretend to know everything on this subject. There are many voices out that there that know so much more than me. However, I have been reading and listening for some time now, and I feel I have some tips that can help guide you if you find yourself asking, how can I support black moms? 

This is just a short introduction from a white mom. I want to take this opportunity to raise some questions, to help you begin to ask questions about yourself that maybe you’ve avoided asking in the past or brushed off as unnecessary. To begin asking questions about others, and to start looking for answers. Again, I do not even pretend to have all the right answers, but maybe more importantly I can help you and me begin to ask the right questions.

So, How Can I Support Black Moms?

Educate My Children on Racism

We need to be educating our children on racism. Not just as a thing of the past, but unfortunately as a thing of the present. They need to know what it is, what it means, what it looks like, how it effects people. Our children need to know what microaggressions are so they can avoid them in their own life, and stand up for others when they recognize them. We need to teach our children not to be colorblind, but to recognize the beauty, diversity, and ability in all skin colors. 

In a recent Washington Post article, Sociology professor Sarah Tosh says that it is common and not surprising that many white families might find these topics difficult to discuss. “Since the civil rights movement, there has been a movement toward what is known as ‘color blindness’ in the United States. This basically means there is a push for racial equality on a basis that we ‘do not see color,” says says. “While the societal prioritization of colorblindness has positive intentions, it also makes it much easier for white Americans to ignore examples of racial bias, and to persistently look for nonracial explanations when presented with instances of racially motivated violence or rase-based inequality.” 

I’m not here to give you all the answers on these, but make us aware that we need to be looking, learning, and researching on our own so that we can teach our children. And, it should be noted, the main voices we should listening to during this time is the black voices.

Listen

Listen and Learn. Perhaps this should be number one on the list, so that we in turn are able to teach our children. Now is the time for us to listen. All too often a black person makes a statement, and we are all too quick to defend or say “that’s not what they really meant.” We think we have the right to tell other people, especially black people, how they are allowed to feel about something. “You’re overreacting, you’re too sensitive, you always play the race card.” Perhaps there is some truth to what you say. As human beings, we are prone to overreact when something effects us. Regardless, that is how that person feels, and we can’t tell them how they are allowed to feel. But, if you just stop and listen, a door might open for you to have a reasonable conversation that might benefit you both.

The next time you have an automatic response to something another black mom says, make yourself stop and listen. That’s all. Just listen. You might just learn something. Research and read. Look for articles from other black moms and listen to what they’re saying about how they feel they have to raise their black child in this current climate. Read from all sorts of different views, especially those different than your own. Sure, you may not agree with everything that is said, but you may very well learn a valuable thing or two if you really listen. It’s okay to read and talk to and learn from people who think differently than you. In fact, it’s a good thing. Closing your mouth and listening can be a way to show your support for your fellow mamas.

Teach My Children to Stand Up for Others

Of course we want to teach our children to stand up against others that are bullying their friends. But it’s important not just to talk about this in general terms. It’s important to bring up specifics, like race. That’s why I mentioned microaggressions before. It’s important for your children to understand what a microaggression is and how it can effect the person it is used against. With knowledge is power, and your children will be better equipped to understand those of another color than them and be able to stand up for them and speak out when needed. 

It is no longer okay (and really never was) to ignore, and pretend we didn’t hear a comment to a black mom or your child’s black friend that you know in your heart was a jab against them because of the color of their skin. Too often it’s easy to believe it was an isolated case, but it wasn’t. You just weren’t around to hear or see all the other times. In order to teach our children how to stand up for their black friends, we have to show them how we stand up for their black mamas.

Socialize with Black Moms/Families

Perhaps this would be getting out of your comfort zone, perhaps not. Show your support for black moms by GETTING TO KNOW THEM! Socialize with them, become friends, invite them to your home, have play dates with your children and theirs. Don’t make it some big occasion, make it part of your every day life. Broaden your horizons and those of your children. Incorporate other races and cultures into your family not as something “special”, but as daily life. 

I know this takes time, as any friendship takes time to develop. But, start being intentional about building more relationships with people of a skin color other than yours. 

Purchase from Black Female-Owned Shops

Purposefully purchase from shops and small businesses owned by black moms. Does that mean you shouldn’t purchase from a white mom owned business? No. But that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about excluding one race. We’re talking about including another one. Stop and think about it. How many times have you purchased anything from a black owned shop? 

Does it even cross your mind? It might be easy for you to dismiss that it doesn’t even cross your mind because “it doesn’t matter to you whether the owner is black or white.” You’d be happy to make a purchase from either. But did you know Black/African American women make up 21% of all women businesses in the US while white women make up 50% of all women businesses in the US? (Info from 2019 State of Women-Owned Business Report). So, it’s not as likely that you will just stumble upon a black female-owned business. You’ll have to be more intentional about finding them. 

If you have a black friend who owns a business, purchasing from her and sharing her business with others is a great place to start! If you don’t know any, here are a few places to start:

Forbes List of Black Female-Owned Businesses
20 Millennial Black Women-Owned Businesses
13 Black Women-Owned Brands

Of course these list several of the big ones out there, but there are many small black female-owned businesses out there. Do some searching in your area and on social media.

Create Products Specific to Black Moms

Do you own your own business and/or create your own products? There are many ways you can include and support black moms when you run your own business. Yes, on a percentage scale black moms have a much higher percent of things in common with white moms than they do differences. But, there are some differences, and if you have your own company and have the ability to control the products and message you carry, why not show your support of black moms by showcasing them also and creating products specifically for them.

Here are some examples of what I’m trying to get at:

• Did you know that many black people prefer to use satin sheets and pillowcases because the material is more gentle on their hair? If you own a baby boutique, make bedding, etc, consider adding satin to your line or store.
• If you own a skin care or hair care company, consider adding products specifically beneficial to those with black skin and hair.
• For a service based company, include testimonials and marketing materials that include black women and women of color so that they know they are welcome and appreciated in your company.
• Do you create graphics and stock images for business owners? Create images of women with a variety of skin colors. It is so much harder for a black woman to find simple stock images (for example of black hands on a computer keyboard) than it is for a white woman. They have to spend extra time and energy searching because so few are available.
• If you’re an artist or creator, include images and products that appeal to black men and women
• Showcase other black female-owned businesses through your business, partner with them, buy products for your boutique from them, etc.

These are just a few examples to think about. Yes, you most likely already provide products and services that are great for all women, but show black moms some support by highlighting them the same as you do white moms. 

We can do this. We can make a change. Together.

Blog Post Resources from Black Moms

Walking Away From Racism: 3 Tips to Teach Kids About Race & Diversity

How Black Mothers Prepare Their Children For School

Assumptions About Black Mothers

50 Children’s Books That Teach Black History

My American Melting Pot

Black Moms Blog

MommiNation

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