In the hustle and bustle of life, it can be difficult to stay connected with our kids. There’s the dinner to make, the house to clean, and the sports games to go to. There’s the homework to do, gymnastics practices, and on and on. And let me tell you, it can get hard! I’ll tell you this. Connecting to our children will not “just happen”. We have to make it happen. We have to live intentionally. To help us all, I’ve made a list of 10 ways to connect with your children.
This is not an overwhelming list or a “you’re not being a good enough mom” list. These are just some simple ways to help remind ourselves how we can intentionally connect to our children.
10 Ways to Connect With Your Children
1. Ask them how their day went
When you pick your children up from school, or you see them when you first get home or at the dinner table. Ask them to tell you a little about their day. Young child or teen, you may have to get creative with your question asking so they actually answer you and don’t just give an “I don’t know” or “fine” answer.
2. Plan activities to do together
I have been working hard on this one myself this summer. Many times the evening or weekend just slips away from us doing this or that without ever really connecting with our children. However, if you specifically plan days and times to do things together then guess what? You’ll do them! It can be as simple as playing a board game together at home, to going to the local pool, to going on a day trip or a weekend getaway.
3. Eat dinner together at the table
WITHOUT the phones or tablets! Seriously, I’m not yelling at you here, I’m talking to my family too. Intentionally eating dinner together at your dinner table (wherever that may be for you) is a great connection time if you don’t let other things distract you. Play the hi-low game (on hi for the day and one low), talk about something fun coming up soon, make your meal plan for the next week together! Can’t eat together every single night? Don’t let the get you in the habit of never eating together. Even a few times per week can make a huge difference.
4. Cook Together
If your kids are old enough, have them help you prep and cook dinner! It’s a great time to talk and relate around something that has to be done anyway. Plus, it helps them develop a great life skill!
5. Read to your children
We think of this one more often with small children, but really we can do this with children of any age. I have very fond memories of my elementary teacher reading one chapter of a book to us each day in school. And, even when I attended Bible College we had Saturday reading nights when our dorm parents read a few chapters from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe series. Maybe you can’t read together every night. Pick one night of the week, and make that a special family time.
6. Smile
That’s right! This one seems obvious, but I bet if we looked back through our day, there are several moments worth a smile that we just let pass us by. Smile when your child says your name (yes, for the one thousandth time). Smile when they come into the room, when you watch them play in the other room, when you first see them in the morning.
7. Laughter
Now, take it a step further. A smile is a great way to connect, but laughter is good for the soul. It can take away a sour face, it can put everyone in a better mood, it can even help stress, depression, or other feelings your children may be facing. Tell a joke and laugh at yourself, sing a silly song, laugh when your child tells a joke or a funny story that happened at school.
8. Eye contact
Again, this one seems obvious. But, I know I’m guilty of answering my children without looking up from the cooking or cleaning or a device. Stop what you’re doing, look up, and make eye contact with your child when they ask a question. It will not only be a point of connection with your child, it will teach them to do the same with others.
9. Hugs
Research shows that hugs can boost oxytocin levels, which can heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger. This form of connection tends to feel more natural with younger children, but hugs are excellent for everyone! If hugs are not something you do often with your older children, give it a try. If it just seems so out of the normal it’s weird as opposed to a positive connection, try to connect with some form of touch such as dad giving a goofy bear hug from behind, letting a child or teen lean on your shoulder, or putting your hands on their shoulder when you’re encouraging them on their way out to the ball field.
10. One on one time
When life is already busy, this one can feel really hard to pull off, like there’s not enough time available. The thing is, you have to MAKE time. Many times you have to SCHEDULE this in to make it happen, but it will be oh so important to your connection with your children. It can be as simple as reading a book with just one child or taking a walk around the block, or it could be a date night out. When I was a child, some Christmases me and my siblings would receive a “gift card” for Christmas for a date out with our parents (by ourselves). It is one of my favorite Christmas gift memories.
In Summary
These 10 ways to connect with your children are not difficult to do. However, we do have to be intentional about making sure we do them! Some of these you can do on a daily basis. Some maybe not. But the key is in the action, in actually DOING them. I’m sure this is not new information to you. But, sometimes we just need a good reminder. We need references that can help us live with intentional parenting. And hopefully this list is just that for you.
If you are overwhelmed in your motherhood and feel you’re barely keeping your head above water, click on this link to get my cheat sheet for 7 Ways to Manage Your Busy Mom Life.
And, make sure to check out some of my other posts for how to help the mom overwhelm. The #1 Key to Having a Tidy Home, and How to Start Decluttering Your Home.
This post was a great reminder of simple ways we can be more intentional with our children. I also think it is important that we pay attention to what things connect most with them. With my daughter, it is the one-on-one time that makes her face light up.
Yes, you’re absolutely right! Every child is different and will connect better in different ways.
I am not yet a parent but I can attest that my parents doing these things for me as a kid was definitely beneficial. I think that they all will truly help foster a wonderful relationship between a parent and their child. Great post!
You make so many valid points. Too often kids get to the teen years and parents have no idea what happened to their sweet kid. The problem is that life today is so busy. As you say, take the time to connect with fun activities like cooking and having dinner together daily. Playing together whether an indoor game like scrabble or an outdoor one like softball is a great way to bond with your kids.
Life today is so busy. We have to be intentional to slow down and take advantage of the moments we have.
Thanks honey for the easy tops and reminders! Intentional time is better than twice as long or more in the same space workout focus!
Yes absolutely! You can be in the same room with them, but still not be “present”.
These are all great ideas. Reading to your child is so important. I started reading to my son the day he came home from the hospital. I even remember the book; it was Peter Rabbit in French. He’s 29 now, but the benefits of reading to your children have not changed. It’s the single most important thing you can do to help them succeed in school. When you read to them, ask them questions about what’s going on in the book, what they think about different characters, etc. It’s never too early to start!
I love that you remember the book you read to your son… and on the day you came home from the hospital!
So true. These simple things establish a great connection between parents and kids. This is a great reminder.
Eating dinner and meals together is such a simple thing, but it’s sooo important. As a kid, family dinners was not a negotiable, it was just what we did.
We grew up with family dinners most nights too. As we got older, sports came in some nights, but most nights it was together at the table.